nine day detox - day 7~9

day seven ~
i made crepes today for our 600 cal meal and they were really delicious... making things from scratch is the perfect way to know exactly what is going into your body.  if i take anything away from this experience it will be to be mindful of the food i eat. to eat clean. reduce the amount of processed, artificial and refined food that we as a family consume. we are pretty good at that as it is, but there is a part of our diet that could really do with a bit of a blitz - snacking!
i am loving the shakes as well, we will definitely keep this part of the c9 going... this and the gel.



day eight ~
today i made a big pot of dhal for our evening meal, with a few home made chapatis... these are just wholemeal flour and water {no salt or yeast} and then a small amount of oil to fry... i used coconut oil.
reaching for fruit or a glass of water instead of a chocolate biscuit or packet of crisps has been the most amazing thing for me ~ i am learning that i don't really need the quick sugar fix... that i am eating more out of boredom or habit rather than need. so by swapping the delicious treat for a healthier choice has really reduced my snacking so far...

day nine ~
i made it! i did the full nine days!
we get to have a small lunch today to wean us back into eating three meals! i made vegetable soup and for our evening meal we had lamb chops with spinach and mushrooms.

i, surprisingly, enjoyed the whole process and learning about the foods i eat and the effect it has on my body.
the lack of caffeine has had little or no effect on me at all, it just proves that i don't 'need' it. drinking tea and coffee was just a habit for me and i am sure that i will continue to keep my caffeine intake to a minimum from now on.
i have also noticed that my appetite is much smaller and i actually stop eating when i am full... instead of continuing to pick at food until it is all gone... from mine and my kids plates!

if i keep our portions small i am certain that this habit will continue as well!

and here are my results {apologies for the grumpy face ~ not a fan of showing my tummy far less in front of the camera!}
... a total of 6inches all over and a weight loss of 8lbs ~

all in all, c9 was a complete success for me and one that i highly recommend for anyone with a bit of weight to shift, or bad habits to change.

untucked shirts

my wee baby girl started school this week... well she started a week and a half ago but was only in for half days.  this week she was in for the full day and had to negotiate the lunch hall solo... i can barely believe it. where has those five fast years gone? so much has changed. so much has happened. in the blink of an eye.

there have been no tears.  a tightly held hand and a few lost looks. but no tears. i am not entirely sure if it is a good thing... well, it is. it shows she is confident and independent. it shows that i have prepared her for such a big step.
but i feel a sense of sadness, as if she no longer needs me. as if i have somehow been holding her back all these years when all she really wanted to do was to be out in the big world learning and discovering new things... but that's not true... yes, she is so ready for this. but at the end of a busy day playing with her new friends, she runs to hug me just as she always has... a look of sheer joy in her eyes. she holds my hand so tightly as we walk home, she skips and sings and tells me all about her day...

and so a new chapter begins.

slowing down for the summer

a week in our house can often feel a bit like a whirl wind... it's all rushing to get to places, rushing back to eat, nap, use the potty... endless to-ing and fro-ing.

the summer holidays are like a big deep breath... a chance to slow down and take a moment.

i really am a keen believer in slowing down ~ seriously. even on the school run i {try to} take a moment to re-group before we rush out the door. i find it gives everyone a chance to catch up. to check themselves. to calm down. 
yep.
calm down. this is a biggie in this house. even when we have nowhere to be or time schedules to keep, we always seem to exude a certain air of mania.

i came across a book online where it teaches children to remember their breathing in times of worry or stress.  it is not a self help book or an educational book, it is a story of a little girl who has a secret. the secret helps her to forget her worries. the secret is her breath. focusing on her breath helps her to clear her mind of anything that is bothering her. it is very sweet ~ http://www.loulourose.net/#/eastward/

we are trying to incorporate a form of basic yoga into our nightly routine as it is becoming more and more of a 'dance' each night! in and out of each of theirs rooms fulfilling umpteen potty, water, itchy bottom requests. until we are almost falling asleep in bed together, crunched up against a wall with no covers and no pillow except a token stuffed animal 'to snuggle'.

so as it goes, we are still working on shortening the nightly rituals from 1.5hrs to 45mins {or thereabouts} i am sure the long summer nights are partly to blame.. or it could be me.
hard to say.

a four year old turning five

my baby girl is five. five.

five.

i can't believe it. where did all that time go? i miss that tiny newborn face, those tiny fingers and toes. i miss the feeds late at night and in the early morning all snuggled in bed together half asleep. i miss her little feet pushing up to standing and learning to walk. her first shoes. her first words.  she had so many words.
i can barely remember her little voice when she first started having conversations.

she is still the same little girl, i can see it in her eyes. in the way she still holds her rabbit close at night and the way she reaches for my hand when she feels insecure.

we had to have a birthday party for her of course! and we had to let her choose who to invite... and what theme to have... and what kind of a cake she would like...

we had a jungle adventure

safari passes and binoculars for all the guests, jungle themed snacks, a monkey pinata and animal party jars filled with home made lego crayons to take home. {i will do a how to post soon!}

it was a lovely day and we all had a great time ~ even daddy admitted that it went really well!

success.

dear fergus

hello wee guy! you are 18 months and 3 weeks old and have become the most charismatic and cute little person! you say daddy, mama, poppy and lily with such clarity and sing us songs and give us amazing hugs and blow us kisses... your big white teeth are really coming in and you smile with an intensity and so freely that it's hard not to smile back. at bedtime you ask to go 'upstairs', you say 'grandpa', 'up', 'please', 'more', 'eat', 'car' and 'duck duck'. when you dance you press one ear to your shoulder and spin around. and when you get mad you are so hard to console, you feel things so wholeheartedly. and that's okay because that is who you are; you are sensitive and emotional, playful and charming. you are cheeky and adventurous, caring and empathetic.
our daily routine revolves around poppys nursery drop off but you don't seem to mind. you spend your days immersed in play, chasing your big sister and your best friend, the dog! you love poppys 'big baby', books and your pull along dog. you love to sing and can sing twinkly twinkle, happy birthday (which sounds more like happy daddy!) and the chorus to golden slumber!
fergus, we love you and cant wait to watch you grow into the man you are going to be.

monkeys, lions and a surprise rainbow

back in march it was my little girls 4th birthday. four. i have no idea where the time has gone! to mark the occasion we decided a trip to the zoo was in order... ten years of living in edinburgh and not one visit to the zoo (except as a photographer)!

i baked a cake. this cake. and i made a hole in the middle which i filled with m&ms before icing it.

i decided that there was a lot of colouring involved in the making of this cake and that i would make the layers using natural colours found in food... so i used grated carrot, juiced spinach, juiced beetroot, egg yolk and blueberry puree. making the colours was a lot of fun and poppy really enjoyed helping me with this bit! she was off to bed for the actual cake making though...

the zoo is a great place to visit with children, plenty to keep them occupied, lots of space to run wild, toilets dotted around and best of all it's fun for adults too :)

it was a really fun day and the sun even came out for a wee bit so we could enjoy our birthday picnic, cake and bubbles! we all knew it was time to go home when poppy dropped her beloved pink rabbit into the penguin enclosure and cried like she had lost the love of her life. a very lovely young man leaned over and saved him for her and thus saved the day!

connecta, osha or tula?

since the devastating news story about the baby who died in a baby wrap recently, i have seen so many articles blaming babywearing and making out that it's dangerous etc etc.

one even stated 'your baby will die if you use one of these baby wraps'!! i mean... come on! sadly, babies die in cots, beds, cars and prams all the time, a lot of the time for no real apparent reason. there are no scaremongering articles slamming parents for using them!

now i'm not disputing that it can be dangerous... as can many things involving small people. but when done safely and responsibly, babywearing is positive and calming for baby and mum {and dad too!}.

i have various slings, baby carriers and wraps. i use them all depending on where i am going and what i am doing...

i have a ring sling which is an osha woven wrap. i use it for the school run for quick ups and downs. being one big length of fabric means it will grow with baby and can be worn in different ways to suit mum/dad/granny etc and of course baby.

i have a full buckle carrier which is a tula. i use this all the time. it is great for front and back carries, is fully padded along the waist band and straps so is comfortable to wear for a long time. it has a sleep hood which is detachable so perfect for snoozes! it is stunning in grey zigzags and is by far my favourite go to carrier.

i have another full buckle which is a connecta. this is my emergency carrier. it comes on the dog walk, trips to the park and food shopping! it folds small so fits in my bag or under the pram for that emergency carry when little legs can't carry on. it has a sleep hood, but as it is not as padded as my tula {and i should note, i have jaggy hips} it's not as comfortable for two hour long naps {although these are rare!}

i have a back pack style one and a baby bjorn style one. but these don't get used at all and don't come close to the ones above. the narrow seat in these mean baby hangs off me and makes my shoulders sore within minutes. the wide seat of the above carriers {and others in that style} spread baby's legs in the most supportive way {for baby and mum} that it makes babywearing not only convenient but comfy and enjoyable.

there needs to be so much more information available to new parents with regards to babywearing... i meet so many mums who think wraps and stretchys are primitive! or some who have only ever seen the high street carriers and didn't know there were other options...

my advice? buy a good quality carrier, use your instincts and follow the TICKS guidelines :)

log fires and beds in cupboards

 for the last few months it has been, pretty much, work, work, work. seven days a week. working late into the night. we needed a break. the kids needed a break.  it was a last minute decision: nothing booked into the diary, fair weather forecast and the surf was up! so i did it. i booked two nights in a luxury tent on the dunes of the east coast of scotland.  no electric, no tv and most importantly... no laptop!

i like to think that when i am at home with the kids i am completely present with them.  i play with them, i make food for them and i look out for them. but i am not. not completely anyway... i am often sneaking looks on my phone or trying to tidy the kitchen, hang the washing up or run a cloth around the bath.  i am always thinking about things i could be doing... or should be doing.

this weekend was going to be tough. i am a self confessed, phone addict. i am. and i hate it.

so i paid for the holiday and started to pack as we were heading off the next morning. bright and early.

i was looking forward to the challenge, to be honest, to see if i could be the parent, i so want to be. and do you know what, i did it... and i enjoyed it. okay, so i checked my phone once. okay, twice. but for 98 percent of the time, i was there with them.  i was there digging in the sand with them. i was there when we were pretending to be bears in the woods by the tent. i was there as we splashed in the rock pools.  i was even there when i was feeding my little man down for the night. & this is a big one as i tend to use this quiet, sleepy time to catch up with my texts and emails from the day. i dont feel great admitting that. but it is true, i am on my phone while i feed my baby to sleep.

but not in the tent. here i watched him feeding, i watched him get drowsy and i watched his little eyes fluttering closed. i saw him fall into a deep sleep and i lay there with him and i held him close. and i loved it. i love him.

then i climbed in to the big double bed, quirkily set into a cupboard,
with my little girl and just lay there with her as she fell asleep. another thing i have not done in a long, long time. i usually rush out to get my 'me' time. to get the telly on. to get the biccies out and the kettle on.

and then with the candles lit and the log stove burning (yes, this was a pretty delux tent!) my husband and i went outside and sat and watched the sun set over the dunes and the tide changing under the stars.

no bad kids?

whenever i try to explain my parenting methods, i find it almost impossible to fight my corner.  my baby brain makes it so hard for me to think clearly enough to give a decent answer!

i want to say -
i am not a walk over parent who doesn't discipline her children or teach them right from wrong. 
i am not letting my kids run wild and rule the roost.
i am teaching them all of the above, respectfully. 

i try to talk to my daughter about everything, if she is having a hard time with a task, game or activity, i talk her through it and offer my help if she wants it.  i don't swoop in and do it for her.  if she is having a meltdown, i sit down with her and hold her until she is ready to talk to me and we work it out together.  tantrums are part of growing up and not necessarily a negative thing.  toddlers have these huge emotions that they don't understand... it must be so overwhelming for them.  so surely withdrawing affection as a form of discipline teaches them that our love is conditional?  it is not wrong to feel emotions, it is not wrong to cry - we all need to cry sometimes.  instead of leaving them to work out their scary emotions themselves, should we not instead help them to understand them?  i struggle to explain this without sounding patronising or critical but i really believe that children are not purposefully 'bad', negative behaviour is almost always a cry for help - a need to sleep, hunger or a need for limits.  using the naughty step, cry it out or the removal of toys or privileges when a child 'acts out' can really only create resentment and distrust as well as making the child feel shame or guilt.

often i see parents use the naughty step or other such threats at the smallest things and it makes me feel kind of sad... and this may seem harsh but it is almost like they are saying, ah, you are angry but please do it quietly over there so i don't have to see it.  these children are only little for such a short time so why not make that time fun, positive and happy? why stress the small stuff? 

so, i implore... enjoy this time as much as possible and trust your child or children to learn the lessons of life on their own - just as they learn to talk and walk in their own time.

chaos and contingency plans

months and months have passed, night after night of walking the floor with my wee man, long snoozy hours of night feeds and web browsing under the covers... i have been thinking alot about my children, a lot about how i parent them and even more about the effect i have on them and their futures.  it's a big thought.

i have been so tired, so so tired.  i love the sleepy dark feeds and the tiny fingers reaching up to my face.  i love the small sighs and snuffles of a sleeping child.  i am torn between cherishing every moment with them and the need to be me again.

in an attempt to gain some sort of control over things, i have been sleep training - i even hate using the words, but i just needed to get some sleep... or at least more than 2 hours in a row.  it's working, we got 9 hours last night! ahhhh the feeling of waking naturally and hearing a sleeping baby stirring across the room.  now after plenty of well meaning advice and tips we took the road less travelled - the gentle way.  there was no cry it out or controlled crying and there was no leaving him to figure it out on his own.  i mean how could we? this little guy spent 9 months being rocked to sleep in my tummy and another 5 being held, fed or carried to sleep - we could hardly just switch it on him. so we remained respectful and present, we helped him learn to fall asleep all by himself... it was hard... oh was it hard. and it still is. but it has been worth it - 40 minute naps to one and a half hours AND waking every hour and a half at night to sleeping 7-9 hours at a stretch.  how amazing our little boy is, so amazing.

i try to do this with poppy, who turned three last month... three.  how the time has flown. it is totally okay to cry, it's okay if mum and dad cries - and oh does mum cry! and it's okay to feel emotions, it's okay.
toddlers are at a tricky stage of their lives, so many emotions, so many feelings and not enough words or understanding to express them.
feeling as tired as i have and as frustrated at my chaotic life at the moment, i have been reallly struggling to keep all this in mind.  i have shouted and i have lost my patience... far too often.  but we snuggle up at night and we talk... we go over what happened that day (good or bad) and we help each other understand it all. no matter what we are all here for each other... when the going gets tough... 

being a parent is hard.  it is worth it but it is so, so hard.

one toddler and one (not so) teeny tiny baby

well, here he is... baby number two... fergus.

i cant believe how much i love him already - although i should have already been aware of this from baby number one... poppy.  oh how i loved her from the moment i saw her!

he is so like her but yet so different... they look the same when i look back at photos of poppy but he is very much a boy and with finer features. he is so laid back... so far. and she was so cross all the time!

poppy has really taken to the wee guy (as she calls him) and is loving helping out with bath time and nappy changes.  i feel privileged to have such an amazing and caring little girl as poppy - to see how she has adapted to his arrival and how she is coping so well, makes me so proud!  she has her moments of course, and the toilet training has gone to pot (so to speak!) but that was all expected and anticipated well in advance. we are working through it together - with the help of some stickers and a potty train! ha! the reward chart... one thing i thought i would never do. needs must.

so how did fergus arrive into this world... quickly! i am all emotional about how amazing the birth was after having such a tough time of it first time round.  poppy took days to come, i only managed to stay in the pool for a few hours and ended up being induced, having my waters broken and getting an epidural... this time it was over in only five hours (from the first contraction) he was born in the water using a bit of gas and air and homeopathy. he did get stuck a bit as he was a whopping 9lbs 9oz... but the water made it all so bearable and relaxed. there was a moment, just before i started pushing, where i thought i couldnt do it, that i wanted to go to labour ward and get any drugs going. but i did it and am overwhelmed and proud of myself and of fergus...and of sam, my husband, who helped me though it.

so, now the adventure begins.  mamma of two.

for poppy

poppy,

here you are, almost two and half years old... there is a little baby almost ready to come and meet you.  you are so excited to meet him and between constantly asking if the baby is coming out today and telling anyone who will listen that there is a baby in mummy's tummy, you insist that you will share your teddies and give the baby cuddles when he cries.

you are so caring and loving, you kiss my tummy and give the baby hugs.  you tell me that the baby is laughing and happy.

last month when we were on holiday you were convinced that you too had a baby in your tummy, a baby dog, a black dog that you said 'i don't know how it got there, but it's not ideal!'  i laughed so much at that - as did the lady in the toilet cubicle next to us... you have such an amazing character already and i can not wait for you and your new little brother or sister to meet and play together.

i know that it will be hard for you at first... mummy will be distracted and tired but daddy and i will be right there for you for as long as you need to settle into our new family life.

we will still go to playgroups and walks with lily and we will still snuggle up and read books together.  you will still be so important to us and we will always love you very much.

i think you will be a great big sister.

easy peasy bread

well, my little munchkin and i decided to make a loaf of bread this morning and i came across this super duper recipe that was so easy and quick that we had it proving within the hour! so not as much time killed as i had hoped but good messy fun all the same!

this is it, served up with poppys soup (also home made!) for lunch.

so here it is... i will also outline it on here to make it even easier -

mix 500g strong white flour in a bowl with 2 tsp of salt and 7gs of fast acting yeast in a sachet. then make a well and add 3 tbsp olive oil and 300ml water and combine to make the dough... then kneed for as long as your little ones arms can manage - preferably until it is satin smooth!

leave it in a warm place for an hour in a lightly oiled bowl to rise (or overnight in the fridge is good as it makes it taste nicer!)

give it a bit of a knock about then shape it and put it on some baking paper and leave to prove for an hour to rise again.

cross the top with a sharp knife and bake for 25-30 mins in a preheated oven at 220C...

voila! delicious!

this is one that is going to appear on the breakfast table a lot in future! 

caravans and seagulls

well, we are just back from a family holiday to a very well known family holiday caravan park... sounds a bit like heaven!! ahhhh, eight adults, six kids and two caravans... who could ask for more!?!?

it was actually a very lovely holiday, if not a bit cramped in places! plenty to keep our little bear entertained - from doting cousins to a massive soft play and swimming pool... and it was sunny!  unfortunately, it meant a very tired girl and often a bit of a grumpy one too (and that was just me!) but i would do it again... i think. well, i would do it again but not while pregnant - that i definitely do not recommend!

we mostly ate in the vans, which was a bit of a logistical nightmare but not half as bad as trying to get 16 meals ordered by 5pm on the dot with out one of our little people wandering off somewhere... or one of the older ones sneaking off to the slots with a pocket full of 2penny pieces.

the pool was the best bit, and the soft play - both of which were free! the joys of having an under 5! we did spend a a few pounds on some rides and a swan pedalo (which is essential for any caravaning holiday, i think)

after an entire week of extreme playing and constant attention from numerous adults and older children, poppy is taking sometime winding down now we are home - i am a slave to her pretend play and book demands. for now at least, until she bores of me and wanders off into her own play world again...

weddings and two year olds

we took a wee mini break to the west coast for a friends wedding a few weeks ago... as guests! i clarify this as being photographers we don't often get to be guests at weddings.

anyway, it was poppy's second wedding (she attended her auntie weezees wedding when she was 6 weeks old) and - as opposed to last time - she definitely seemed to enjoy herself... but boy was it hard work! ...missed the vows, the speeches and most of our meal - in fact i am pretty sure we held up the main course being served as they waited for us to return to the table to actually eat our starters.

as a 'fun' gift we gave the couple a photo booth set up with a box of props for their guests to go wild and let their hair down... always, always results in some pretty hilarious shots! and we even got a fun family shot of our own. did i mention it was fun?

poppy actually stayed up until the first dance - although we did get a lot of 'oh, she's done so well!'s and 'awww, she looks sooooo tired's!

well, needless to say we survived it ...and those wellies she insisted on wearing turned out to be the perfect choice as it rained the entire time.

i love being a mum.

yes, sometimes it feels like it's the hardest job in the world but it is also the most rewarding and satisfying job i have ever done... it's not even a job, in fact.  it's my life now.

today as i sit in the sun listening to my 26 month old daughter sing the entire alphabet perfectly as she dances around the garden i am filled with the most amount of pride and love and happiness... i am overwhelmed by it sometimes.

i made this.

and i am in the process of growing another! and what will this new person be like?

taking care of my daughter at home has never felt to me like a chore or something i have to do, i do get the odd off day where i wish i could just go and do what i wanted to do for once... by myself!  but more often than not i feel privileged to be a part of this little girls life, to help her become a person and to help her learn about who she is and about growing up...  i feel very under qualified a lot of the time, but she never fails to show me otherwise with her sense of humour, her intelligence and understanding and her ability to show so much love and care for everything around her.  she is an absolute amazement to me.  every day.


i feel anxious about having a second child, nervous about the chaos that will surely envelop us - even more so than now!  i feel worried that i wont be able to give them each the time and love they deserve.  but i also am filled with excitement and wonder at the challenges ahead, the joy that poppy brings me each day is about to be doubled.

and how can that not be a good thing?

birthday girl

well, poppy turned two last week and to celebrate we had a few friends over to play... 20 to be exact! yikes!
I made a delicious carrot cake with pink sprinkles and some blueberry muffins, rocky road (for the grown ups!) star shaped sandwiches and other snacks and tasty treats. a stressful day or two to organise but well worth it to see her playing with her buddies... albeit primarily playing side by side with them instead of 'together'.

lots of food was eaten, plenty of toys unwrapped and tea drunk (again... the grown ups!)

needless to say it was a lot of fun and poppy treated us to a two hour nap that afternoon to recover!

sun, sand and surf!

well, it was awfully quiet over here for a while there... that's because we just went on a wee last minute holiday to the sun! a week of winter sun, deserted beaches, five course meals, huge luxurious apartment and one happy toddler... don't hate me! it was perfect but it is all down to poppy! any time we have ever tried to go somewhere poppy has determined whether or not it was enjoyable! seriously, i never wanted to be a family that was ruled by the baby ...we are. poppy is not a big traveller, more than twenty minutes in the car and she becomes some sort of baby banshee. she moans. she whines. she shouts. when we arrive she tends not to settle very easily and everyone looses precious sleep! i am not exaggerating here, i promise! she is great in so many other ways (all other ways actually, but I'm biased!!) but she is no traveller!
this week proved us so wrong... she sat for four hours on the plane and read books, stuck stickers and sang songs, she played happily all day with one little pull along dog toy on the balcony, beach and pool side, she ate all her dinner, she slept all night. bliss.

and who do we owe this perfect holiday to??? these lovely people!