connecta, osha or tula?

since the devastating news story about the baby who died in a baby wrap recently, i have seen so many articles blaming babywearing and making out that it's dangerous etc etc.

one even stated 'your baby will die if you use one of these baby wraps'!! i mean... come on! sadly, babies die in cots, beds, cars and prams all the time, a lot of the time for no real apparent reason. there are no scaremongering articles slamming parents for using them!

now i'm not disputing that it can be dangerous... as can many things involving small people. but when done safely and responsibly, babywearing is positive and calming for baby and mum {and dad too!}.

i have various slings, baby carriers and wraps. i use them all depending on where i am going and what i am doing...

i have a ring sling which is an osha woven wrap. i use it for the school run for quick ups and downs. being one big length of fabric means it will grow with baby and can be worn in different ways to suit mum/dad/granny etc and of course baby.

i have a full buckle carrier which is a tula. i use this all the time. it is great for front and back carries, is fully padded along the waist band and straps so is comfortable to wear for a long time. it has a sleep hood which is detachable so perfect for snoozes! it is stunning in grey zigzags and is by far my favourite go to carrier.

i have another full buckle which is a connecta. this is my emergency carrier. it comes on the dog walk, trips to the park and food shopping! it folds small so fits in my bag or under the pram for that emergency carry when little legs can't carry on. it has a sleep hood, but as it is not as padded as my tula {and i should note, i have jaggy hips} it's not as comfortable for two hour long naps {although these are rare!}

i have a back pack style one and a baby bjorn style one. but these don't get used at all and don't come close to the ones above. the narrow seat in these mean baby hangs off me and makes my shoulders sore within minutes. the wide seat of the above carriers {and others in that style} spread baby's legs in the most supportive way {for baby and mum} that it makes babywearing not only convenient but comfy and enjoyable.

there needs to be so much more information available to new parents with regards to babywearing... i meet so many mums who think wraps and stretchys are primitive! or some who have only ever seen the high street carriers and didn't know there were other options...

my advice? buy a good quality carrier, use your instincts and follow the TICKS guidelines :)

baby carriers and cloth nappies

now anyone who knows me will know that there are two loves in my life that teeter on the brink of obsession! i talk about them. i recommend them to anyone who will listen. i trawl preloved pages for them. chat on forums about them. and of course. use them!

so. what are they?

not my kids... although they are my favourite thing in the world and i do obsess over them!

no. it's cloth nappies and baby carriers...

i recommend both these items to all my new mum friends because they have changed my life (granted, having children kind of did that anyway :) but why? being able to carry my children has meant i have been able to stay sane when everything was working against me... a toddler and a newborn who were both reluctant nappers. building housework. a dog to walk. mums to meet. groups to attend. and me. a mum of two who resisted buying a double pram. who hates spending frivolously. who holds napping in high regard (i had an ap!) who needs to keep doing things and finds it hard to slow down.

a sling lets me do all the things i need to do and not compromise baby's nap time. the same piece of fabric also provides an 'up' for my tired toddler who after a week of nursery just cant manage the last few meters home.

cloth nappies mean i never run out and need to run to the shop (unless i don't stay on top of the laundry!) they are kind to the environment, my pocket and my baby's bottom. stinky disposables leak gelly things on sore bottoms after a long nights sleep. and it doesn't stop there... cloth wipes mean i don't need two bags at nappy changing time as they both go into the wet bag! no overflowing bins on bin day for us :) plus they look super cute. you cant resist a big bummed baby!

now...

i just need to convince the rest of the house on family cloth...

no bad kids?

whenever i try to explain my parenting methods, i find it almost impossible to fight my corner.  my baby brain makes it so hard for me to think clearly enough to give a decent answer!

i want to say -
i am not a walk over parent who doesn't discipline her children or teach them right from wrong. 
i am not letting my kids run wild and rule the roost.
i am teaching them all of the above, respectfully. 

i try to talk to my daughter about everything, if she is having a hard time with a task, game or activity, i talk her through it and offer my help if she wants it.  i don't swoop in and do it for her.  if she is having a meltdown, i sit down with her and hold her until she is ready to talk to me and we work it out together.  tantrums are part of growing up and not necessarily a negative thing.  toddlers have these huge emotions that they don't understand... it must be so overwhelming for them.  so surely withdrawing affection as a form of discipline teaches them that our love is conditional?  it is not wrong to feel emotions, it is not wrong to cry - we all need to cry sometimes.  instead of leaving them to work out their scary emotions themselves, should we not instead help them to understand them?  i struggle to explain this without sounding patronising or critical but i really believe that children are not purposefully 'bad', negative behaviour is almost always a cry for help - a need to sleep, hunger or a need for limits.  using the naughty step, cry it out or the removal of toys or privileges when a child 'acts out' can really only create resentment and distrust as well as making the child feel shame or guilt.

often i see parents use the naughty step or other such threats at the smallest things and it makes me feel kind of sad... and this may seem harsh but it is almost like they are saying, ah, you are angry but please do it quietly over there so i don't have to see it.  these children are only little for such a short time so why not make that time fun, positive and happy? why stress the small stuff? 

so, i implore... enjoy this time as much as possible and trust your child or children to learn the lessons of life on their own - just as they learn to talk and walk in their own time.

chaos and contingency plans

months and months have passed, night after night of walking the floor with my wee man, long snoozy hours of night feeds and web browsing under the covers... i have been thinking alot about my children, a lot about how i parent them and even more about the effect i have on them and their futures.  it's a big thought.

i have been so tired, so so tired.  i love the sleepy dark feeds and the tiny fingers reaching up to my face.  i love the small sighs and snuffles of a sleeping child.  i am torn between cherishing every moment with them and the need to be me again.

in an attempt to gain some sort of control over things, i have been sleep training - i even hate using the words, but i just needed to get some sleep... or at least more than 2 hours in a row.  it's working, we got 9 hours last night! ahhhh the feeling of waking naturally and hearing a sleeping baby stirring across the room.  now after plenty of well meaning advice and tips we took the road less travelled - the gentle way.  there was no cry it out or controlled crying and there was no leaving him to figure it out on his own.  i mean how could we? this little guy spent 9 months being rocked to sleep in my tummy and another 5 being held, fed or carried to sleep - we could hardly just switch it on him. so we remained respectful and present, we helped him learn to fall asleep all by himself... it was hard... oh was it hard. and it still is. but it has been worth it - 40 minute naps to one and a half hours AND waking every hour and a half at night to sleeping 7-9 hours at a stretch.  how amazing our little boy is, so amazing.

i try to do this with poppy, who turned three last month... three.  how the time has flown. it is totally okay to cry, it's okay if mum and dad cries - and oh does mum cry! and it's okay to feel emotions, it's okay.
toddlers are at a tricky stage of their lives, so many emotions, so many feelings and not enough words or understanding to express them.
feeling as tired as i have and as frustrated at my chaotic life at the moment, i have been reallly struggling to keep all this in mind.  i have shouted and i have lost my patience... far too often.  but we snuggle up at night and we talk... we go over what happened that day (good or bad) and we help each other understand it all. no matter what we are all here for each other... when the going gets tough... 

being a parent is hard.  it is worth it but it is so, so hard.

i love being a mum.

yes, sometimes it feels like it's the hardest job in the world but it is also the most rewarding and satisfying job i have ever done... it's not even a job, in fact.  it's my life now.

today as i sit in the sun listening to my 26 month old daughter sing the entire alphabet perfectly as she dances around the garden i am filled with the most amount of pride and love and happiness... i am overwhelmed by it sometimes.

i made this.

and i am in the process of growing another! and what will this new person be like?

taking care of my daughter at home has never felt to me like a chore or something i have to do, i do get the odd off day where i wish i could just go and do what i wanted to do for once... by myself!  but more often than not i feel privileged to be a part of this little girls life, to help her become a person and to help her learn about who she is and about growing up...  i feel very under qualified a lot of the time, but she never fails to show me otherwise with her sense of humour, her intelligence and understanding and her ability to show so much love and care for everything around her.  she is an absolute amazement to me.  every day.


i feel anxious about having a second child, nervous about the chaos that will surely envelop us - even more so than now!  i feel worried that i wont be able to give them each the time and love they deserve.  but i also am filled with excitement and wonder at the challenges ahead, the joy that poppy brings me each day is about to be doubled.

and how can that not be a good thing?

calm down!

yesterday i went along to a toddler calm workshop and it was fantastic!  now, i cant complain about poppy at all, we don't get tantrums, we don't have fussy eating, she naps well and she sleeps all night.  however, during her waking hours, she is wild.  she talks continually, skips from toy to toy, game to game and she can't sit still for more than five minutes at a time.

so, i cleverly thought i could teach myself some skills to help her wind down a bit in the evenings and help her to fall asleep calmly - instead of the incessant chatter and giggling with her rabbit that goes on in there for at least half an hour to an hour some nights!

i will keep you all posted on that though...

tears and more tears

poppy lasted all of twenty minutes at the creche today before i was called to come and get her.  she was in tears and became inconsolable the minute she saw me.
it is so unlike her, she is usually quite the socialite that barely gives mum a second glance in play situations... she is really more a daddy's girl anyway so i am very used to getting the cold shoulder.  (whenever it is just the two of us, she treats me like i am the only person in the world that matters and i know she loves me!)
but even upon seeing her daddy today she clung to me like a limpet and would not leave my side. 
now she wasn't cross with me as she forgave me almost instantly but i feel sad that i broke her trust a little today...

cloth nappies and teething necklaces

during our daily trips out and about i see so many different parenting styles and i often find myself thinking about how i have chosen to parent poppy.

when poppy was born i had an idea of what parenting entailed - through books, my own parents and friends and also my own experience in childcare.  i have to say that the way i do things now is entirely different.  now i am far from a lax mummy who lets their child run wild but i do wholly embrace the playful parenting style where you make everything as fun as possible and thus eliminate the majority of battles, tantrums and huffs. i often fall short, but i do try.

i used a sling alot and i breast fed for over a year, i baby led weaned and i use herbal and homoeopathic remedies where possible.  i have always cooked her meals and rarely let her eat junk food, sweets, juice or crisps. i don't cajole or use force instead i give her options.

i like the idea of attachment parenting but i also believe that children should be allowed to develop their own sense of security early on and not rely solely on their mothers.  on the opposite side i see parents shouting at their children on a daily basis, children lying in their prams with a bottle of milk propped against the buggy bar.  i see children treated with such disrespect and impatience that it makes me feel sad.  but who am i to judge. they may have had a bad day - i sure have plenty of those ...i just don't take them out on an innocent child.

i have a mixed view on things, i certainly don't do things by the book - i do what i think feels right at the time, it may not always be right but it is me being the very best mother that i can be. i cant do any more than that.

i have often been told that i am 'snobby' because i use cloth nappies and i don't use baby food jars, i get funny looks when they catch a glimpse of poppy's amber teething necklace.  people will always form opinions no matter how much we try to conform - so i say, don't.