dear fergus

hello wee guy! you are 18 months and 3 weeks old and have become the most charismatic and cute little person! you say daddy, mama, poppy and lily with such clarity and sing us songs and give us amazing hugs and blow us kisses... your big white teeth are really coming in and you smile with an intensity and so freely that it's hard not to smile back. at bedtime you ask to go 'upstairs', you say 'grandpa', 'up', 'please', 'more', 'eat', 'car' and 'duck duck'. when you dance you press one ear to your shoulder and spin around. and when you get mad you are so hard to console, you feel things so wholeheartedly. and that's okay because that is who you are; you are sensitive and emotional, playful and charming. you are cheeky and adventurous, caring and empathetic.
our daily routine revolves around poppys nursery drop off but you don't seem to mind. you spend your days immersed in play, chasing your big sister and your best friend, the dog! you love poppys 'big baby', books and your pull along dog. you love to sing and can sing twinkly twinkle, happy birthday (which sounds more like happy daddy!) and the chorus to golden slumber!
fergus, we love you and cant wait to watch you grow into the man you are going to be.

buttons and booties

last christmas i decided to be more crafty and make all gifts for friends and family. i have lovely long evenings to fill now that the wee folk of my life sleep all night! so the sewing machine got dusted off and there has been no stopping me since! there has been leg warmers, lavender hand warmers, crayon rolls, mug warmers, cross stitch samplers, soft toys and badges... not to mention hand stamped and printed greetings cards and tags!

i love it! it's birthday season now and we kicked off with some shiny and glittery play dough and another crayon roll! we have three parties this week so have cheated by buying some sticker books but plan to get some more creations made and ready for the next party!

log fires and beds in cupboards

 for the last few months it has been, pretty much, work, work, work. seven days a week. working late into the night. we needed a break. the kids needed a break.  it was a last minute decision: nothing booked into the diary, fair weather forecast and the surf was up! so i did it. i booked two nights in a luxury tent on the dunes of the east coast of scotland.  no electric, no tv and most importantly... no laptop!

i like to think that when i am at home with the kids i am completely present with them.  i play with them, i make food for them and i look out for them. but i am not. not completely anyway... i am often sneaking looks on my phone or trying to tidy the kitchen, hang the washing up or run a cloth around the bath.  i am always thinking about things i could be doing... or should be doing.

this weekend was going to be tough. i am a self confessed, phone addict. i am. and i hate it.

so i paid for the holiday and started to pack as we were heading off the next morning. bright and early.

i was looking forward to the challenge, to be honest, to see if i could be the parent, i so want to be. and do you know what, i did it... and i enjoyed it. okay, so i checked my phone once. okay, twice. but for 98 percent of the time, i was there with them.  i was there digging in the sand with them. i was there when we were pretending to be bears in the woods by the tent. i was there as we splashed in the rock pools.  i was even there when i was feeding my little man down for the night. & this is a big one as i tend to use this quiet, sleepy time to catch up with my texts and emails from the day. i dont feel great admitting that. but it is true, i am on my phone while i feed my baby to sleep.

but not in the tent. here i watched him feeding, i watched him get drowsy and i watched his little eyes fluttering closed. i saw him fall into a deep sleep and i lay there with him and i held him close. and i loved it. i love him.

then i climbed in to the big double bed, quirkily set into a cupboard,
with my little girl and just lay there with her as she fell asleep. another thing i have not done in a long, long time. i usually rush out to get my 'me' time. to get the telly on. to get the biccies out and the kettle on.

and then with the candles lit and the log stove burning (yes, this was a pretty delux tent!) my husband and i went outside and sat and watched the sun set over the dunes and the tide changing under the stars.

knitting nights

so the little folk are currently sleeping 7-7 {or there abouts} and husband and i have reclaimed our evenings! 

wandering what to do with myself, instead of watching big brother or getting re hooked onto home and away... i have taken on a knitting challenge! 

about a month or so ago i found ravelry... then i found these go-veralls and promptly fell head over heels... well, bit of an exaggeration there... but they are d'lish.

so i bought some wool and a some circular needles and hey presto we have two legs -

 will post an update as they 'grow' but i am super excited to get the wee guy in these... not too girly right??

no bad kids?

whenever i try to explain my parenting methods, i find it almost impossible to fight my corner.  my baby brain makes it so hard for me to think clearly enough to give a decent answer!

i want to say -
i am not a walk over parent who doesn't discipline her children or teach them right from wrong. 
i am not letting my kids run wild and rule the roost.
i am teaching them all of the above, respectfully. 

i try to talk to my daughter about everything, if she is having a hard time with a task, game or activity, i talk her through it and offer my help if she wants it.  i don't swoop in and do it for her.  if she is having a meltdown, i sit down with her and hold her until she is ready to talk to me and we work it out together.  tantrums are part of growing up and not necessarily a negative thing.  toddlers have these huge emotions that they don't understand... it must be so overwhelming for them.  so surely withdrawing affection as a form of discipline teaches them that our love is conditional?  it is not wrong to feel emotions, it is not wrong to cry - we all need to cry sometimes.  instead of leaving them to work out their scary emotions themselves, should we not instead help them to understand them?  i struggle to explain this without sounding patronising or critical but i really believe that children are not purposefully 'bad', negative behaviour is almost always a cry for help - a need to sleep, hunger or a need for limits.  using the naughty step, cry it out or the removal of toys or privileges when a child 'acts out' can really only create resentment and distrust as well as making the child feel shame or guilt.

often i see parents use the naughty step or other such threats at the smallest things and it makes me feel kind of sad... and this may seem harsh but it is almost like they are saying, ah, you are angry but please do it quietly over there so i don't have to see it.  these children are only little for such a short time so why not make that time fun, positive and happy? why stress the small stuff? 

so, i implore... enjoy this time as much as possible and trust your child or children to learn the lessons of life on their own - just as they learn to talk and walk in their own time.

early nights and crafty creations

i have been beavering away since my evenings have been drawing out... all thanks to my perfect little man who has learnt to fall asleep all by himself.  such a clever boy.

i decided to make him a sleep inducing cot mobile of hypnotic slow twisting and turning images filled with lavender...  this is it. i love it.

he loves it too.  he gazes at it as he falls asleep and chats and laughs away with his new owl friends when he wakes in the morning.  how much do i love the sound of a baby laughing? very much.

so i decided to sell them... i really need to perfect my sewing skills a bit and perhaps tweak bits here and there but i think lots of little newborn boys and girls would be fascinated by the bold black and white owls and the colourful patterns.

hope you like my new shop :)  etsy

it went down a treat with my not so wee girl too... she loved watching them... but then she loves owls! so for her birthday, i made her a plush version (also with toddler calming lavender)

sleep thiefs

so it has been a while since i blogged anything and this is primarily due to the fact that there are not enough hours in the day... not if i want to sleep anyway!  a newborn is tiring, yes. a newborn who snacks every 2 hours or so and a feisty toddler is... well... it's... hard work! but so great at the same time!

i feel incredibly overwhelmed sometimes - mostly at how relentless it all is! but also at how blessed i am... we are. i mean these little folk are just amazing, adorable, gorgeous and so so precious. blub blub. post pregnancy hormones. check.

i do really love the little sleep stealing monsters.

so just a short post to check in - with myself more than anything.

i have been going craft crazy lately so will post more about that soon...

for poppy

poppy,

here you are, almost two and half years old... there is a little baby almost ready to come and meet you.  you are so excited to meet him and between constantly asking if the baby is coming out today and telling anyone who will listen that there is a baby in mummy's tummy, you insist that you will share your teddies and give the baby cuddles when he cries.

you are so caring and loving, you kiss my tummy and give the baby hugs.  you tell me that the baby is laughing and happy.

last month when we were on holiday you were convinced that you too had a baby in your tummy, a baby dog, a black dog that you said 'i don't know how it got there, but it's not ideal!'  i laughed so much at that - as did the lady in the toilet cubicle next to us... you have such an amazing character already and i can not wait for you and your new little brother or sister to meet and play together.

i know that it will be hard for you at first... mummy will be distracted and tired but daddy and i will be right there for you for as long as you need to settle into our new family life.

we will still go to playgroups and walks with lily and we will still snuggle up and read books together.  you will still be so important to us and we will always love you very much.

i think you will be a great big sister.

i love being a mum.

yes, sometimes it feels like it's the hardest job in the world but it is also the most rewarding and satisfying job i have ever done... it's not even a job, in fact.  it's my life now.

today as i sit in the sun listening to my 26 month old daughter sing the entire alphabet perfectly as she dances around the garden i am filled with the most amount of pride and love and happiness... i am overwhelmed by it sometimes.

i made this.

and i am in the process of growing another! and what will this new person be like?

taking care of my daughter at home has never felt to me like a chore or something i have to do, i do get the odd off day where i wish i could just go and do what i wanted to do for once... by myself!  but more often than not i feel privileged to be a part of this little girls life, to help her become a person and to help her learn about who she is and about growing up...  i feel very under qualified a lot of the time, but she never fails to show me otherwise with her sense of humour, her intelligence and understanding and her ability to show so much love and care for everything around her.  she is an absolute amazement to me.  every day.


i feel anxious about having a second child, nervous about the chaos that will surely envelop us - even more so than now!  i feel worried that i wont be able to give them each the time and love they deserve.  but i also am filled with excitement and wonder at the challenges ahead, the joy that poppy brings me each day is about to be doubled.

and how can that not be a good thing?

crafty little things

i have been a busy sewing bee again lately... making a new blanket for the little baby in my tummy, out of knitted squares - should be interesting to see how that pans out! its a bit 'different'.  and cross stitching some name plaques for some of poppys little pals -

it is definitely something i love doing and giving, although a lot more practice is needed as my crosses are not as perfect as i would like... but is that not the point of handmade? the fact that you can tell it's hand made? i'll just keep telling myself that, i think! ...i have a few orders waiting too, so they can't be all that bad!?!

so apart from that, i have to get back into poppys 'book' - so far we have photos and keepsakes from birth to about 6 months!! she is now 2 ... so a fair bit of work to do on that! oops!

and a slide-show of images for my mothers 70th ...which was last year ...but better late than never, right?  i make every intention to do these lovely things, but find time just isn't with me on this!

on top of all this we are in the midst of our busiest time at the studio and are pulling late nighters all over the place. i am tired. i fell asleep in front of one of channel 5s afternoon movies yesterday and woke to hear poppy singing away in her cot - who knows how long she'd been awake for! i guess if she'd been up a while i would have known about it... after all she doesn't normally 'beat about the bush' for anything!

travel tears

it has been over two years and we have tried all the tricks in the book to help poppy travel 'better'.  she was a car snoozer when she was really small so we thought - as we tend to travel about a lot - we were set! but it was not to be... as soon as she stopped the long newborn naps and entered into baby-dom, we hit problems.

big problems.

travelling quickly became a real bug bear of hers. she would moan and cry and whinge for the majority of any journey with the odd exception when she would snack or nap. our first family holiday to tiree will always be remembered by one baby einstein cd on repeat and a whole lot of screaming.

now two years on, we have finally and reluctantly, admitted defeat... we bought... wait for it... an in car dvd player. gasp.  now i would always have been a big childless judger in the past. lazy parenting - yup. spoilt child - yup. but it's really not the case, let me tell you. or not so in this case at least - this case is for the sake of pure safety. driving along a quiet road with a screaming, moaning, whining child is hard enough... add in a whining dog and some manoeuvres and you are asking for an accident! so we did it, and although it has not been needed quite as much as we had originally thought - it has changed car travel for us completely!

so that is why we loved 'going places'!! ahhhh, now i remember.

we have baby number two on the way and at almost the half way mark i am starting to think about how our lives are about to change.  ok, so you have one child, what difference will another make? well, A LOT! two little people to get ready in the morning, two little people to coax along on our morning walk with the dog, two little people to convince to go to bed... TWO.

when i got pregnant i think i had clearly forgotten what having a newborn was like... lack of sleep, continual feeds and nappy changes... watching poppy playing and seeing the amazing little person that she has become, always reminds me that it is all worth it... totally and completely.

and was it all that bad? or did i just feel so overwhelmed by this new life that everything seemed so hard? maybe this time around (safe in the knowledge that the two hourly feeds will turn into three hourly and four hourly... and that the night waking does end) i can enjoy it more, make the most of each day and cherish it. maybe this time around i wont be so hung up on 'doing it right'.

or maybe i will, after all, i am a mother now... will we ever feel that what we do for our children is enough?