connecta, osha or tula?

since the devastating news story about the baby who died in a baby wrap recently, i have seen so many articles blaming babywearing and making out that it's dangerous etc etc.

one even stated 'your baby will die if you use one of these baby wraps'!! i mean... come on! sadly, babies die in cots, beds, cars and prams all the time, a lot of the time for no real apparent reason. there are no scaremongering articles slamming parents for using them!

now i'm not disputing that it can be dangerous... as can many things involving small people. but when done safely and responsibly, babywearing is positive and calming for baby and mum {and dad too!}.

i have various slings, baby carriers and wraps. i use them all depending on where i am going and what i am doing...

i have a ring sling which is an osha woven wrap. i use it for the school run for quick ups and downs. being one big length of fabric means it will grow with baby and can be worn in different ways to suit mum/dad/granny etc and of course baby.

i have a full buckle carrier which is a tula. i use this all the time. it is great for front and back carries, is fully padded along the waist band and straps so is comfortable to wear for a long time. it has a sleep hood which is detachable so perfect for snoozes! it is stunning in grey zigzags and is by far my favourite go to carrier.

i have another full buckle which is a connecta. this is my emergency carrier. it comes on the dog walk, trips to the park and food shopping! it folds small so fits in my bag or under the pram for that emergency carry when little legs can't carry on. it has a sleep hood, but as it is not as padded as my tula {and i should note, i have jaggy hips} it's not as comfortable for two hour long naps {although these are rare!}

i have a back pack style one and a baby bjorn style one. but these don't get used at all and don't come close to the ones above. the narrow seat in these mean baby hangs off me and makes my shoulders sore within minutes. the wide seat of the above carriers {and others in that style} spread baby's legs in the most supportive way {for baby and mum} that it makes babywearing not only convenient but comfy and enjoyable.

there needs to be so much more information available to new parents with regards to babywearing... i meet so many mums who think wraps and stretchys are primitive! or some who have only ever seen the high street carriers and didn't know there were other options...

my advice? buy a good quality carrier, use your instincts and follow the TICKS guidelines :)

no bad kids?

whenever i try to explain my parenting methods, i find it almost impossible to fight my corner.  my baby brain makes it so hard for me to think clearly enough to give a decent answer!

i want to say -
i am not a walk over parent who doesn't discipline her children or teach them right from wrong. 
i am not letting my kids run wild and rule the roost.
i am teaching them all of the above, respectfully. 

i try to talk to my daughter about everything, if she is having a hard time with a task, game or activity, i talk her through it and offer my help if she wants it.  i don't swoop in and do it for her.  if she is having a meltdown, i sit down with her and hold her until she is ready to talk to me and we work it out together.  tantrums are part of growing up and not necessarily a negative thing.  toddlers have these huge emotions that they don't understand... it must be so overwhelming for them.  so surely withdrawing affection as a form of discipline teaches them that our love is conditional?  it is not wrong to feel emotions, it is not wrong to cry - we all need to cry sometimes.  instead of leaving them to work out their scary emotions themselves, should we not instead help them to understand them?  i struggle to explain this without sounding patronising or critical but i really believe that children are not purposefully 'bad', negative behaviour is almost always a cry for help - a need to sleep, hunger or a need for limits.  using the naughty step, cry it out or the removal of toys or privileges when a child 'acts out' can really only create resentment and distrust as well as making the child feel shame or guilt.

often i see parents use the naughty step or other such threats at the smallest things and it makes me feel kind of sad... and this may seem harsh but it is almost like they are saying, ah, you are angry but please do it quietly over there so i don't have to see it.  these children are only little for such a short time so why not make that time fun, positive and happy? why stress the small stuff? 

so, i implore... enjoy this time as much as possible and trust your child or children to learn the lessons of life on their own - just as they learn to talk and walk in their own time.

chaos and contingency plans

months and months have passed, night after night of walking the floor with my wee man, long snoozy hours of night feeds and web browsing under the covers... i have been thinking alot about my children, a lot about how i parent them and even more about the effect i have on them and their futures.  it's a big thought.

i have been so tired, so so tired.  i love the sleepy dark feeds and the tiny fingers reaching up to my face.  i love the small sighs and snuffles of a sleeping child.  i am torn between cherishing every moment with them and the need to be me again.

in an attempt to gain some sort of control over things, i have been sleep training - i even hate using the words, but i just needed to get some sleep... or at least more than 2 hours in a row.  it's working, we got 9 hours last night! ahhhh the feeling of waking naturally and hearing a sleeping baby stirring across the room.  now after plenty of well meaning advice and tips we took the road less travelled - the gentle way.  there was no cry it out or controlled crying and there was no leaving him to figure it out on his own.  i mean how could we? this little guy spent 9 months being rocked to sleep in my tummy and another 5 being held, fed or carried to sleep - we could hardly just switch it on him. so we remained respectful and present, we helped him learn to fall asleep all by himself... it was hard... oh was it hard. and it still is. but it has been worth it - 40 minute naps to one and a half hours AND waking every hour and a half at night to sleeping 7-9 hours at a stretch.  how amazing our little boy is, so amazing.

i try to do this with poppy, who turned three last month... three.  how the time has flown. it is totally okay to cry, it's okay if mum and dad cries - and oh does mum cry! and it's okay to feel emotions, it's okay.
toddlers are at a tricky stage of their lives, so many emotions, so many feelings and not enough words or understanding to express them.
feeling as tired as i have and as frustrated at my chaotic life at the moment, i have been reallly struggling to keep all this in mind.  i have shouted and i have lost my patience... far too often.  but we snuggle up at night and we talk... we go over what happened that day (good or bad) and we help each other understand it all. no matter what we are all here for each other... when the going gets tough... 

being a parent is hard.  it is worth it but it is so, so hard.

sleep thiefs

so it has been a while since i blogged anything and this is primarily due to the fact that there are not enough hours in the day... not if i want to sleep anyway!  a newborn is tiring, yes. a newborn who snacks every 2 hours or so and a feisty toddler is... well... it's... hard work! but so great at the same time!

i feel incredibly overwhelmed sometimes - mostly at how relentless it all is! but also at how blessed i am... we are. i mean these little folk are just amazing, adorable, gorgeous and so so precious. blub blub. post pregnancy hormones. check.

i do really love the little sleep stealing monsters.

so just a short post to check in - with myself more than anything.

i have been going craft crazy lately so will post more about that soon...

one toddler and one (not so) teeny tiny baby

well, here he is... baby number two... fergus.

i cant believe how much i love him already - although i should have already been aware of this from baby number one... poppy.  oh how i loved her from the moment i saw her!

he is so like her but yet so different... they look the same when i look back at photos of poppy but he is very much a boy and with finer features. he is so laid back... so far. and she was so cross all the time!

poppy has really taken to the wee guy (as she calls him) and is loving helping out with bath time and nappy changes.  i feel privileged to have such an amazing and caring little girl as poppy - to see how she has adapted to his arrival and how she is coping so well, makes me so proud!  she has her moments of course, and the toilet training has gone to pot (so to speak!) but that was all expected and anticipated well in advance. we are working through it together - with the help of some stickers and a potty train! ha! the reward chart... one thing i thought i would never do. needs must.

so how did fergus arrive into this world... quickly! i am all emotional about how amazing the birth was after having such a tough time of it first time round.  poppy took days to come, i only managed to stay in the pool for a few hours and ended up being induced, having my waters broken and getting an epidural... this time it was over in only five hours (from the first contraction) he was born in the water using a bit of gas and air and homeopathy. he did get stuck a bit as he was a whopping 9lbs 9oz... but the water made it all so bearable and relaxed. there was a moment, just before i started pushing, where i thought i couldnt do it, that i wanted to go to labour ward and get any drugs going. but i did it and am overwhelmed and proud of myself and of fergus...and of sam, my husband, who helped me though it.

so, now the adventure begins.  mamma of two.

for poppy

poppy,

here you are, almost two and half years old... there is a little baby almost ready to come and meet you.  you are so excited to meet him and between constantly asking if the baby is coming out today and telling anyone who will listen that there is a baby in mummy's tummy, you insist that you will share your teddies and give the baby cuddles when he cries.

you are so caring and loving, you kiss my tummy and give the baby hugs.  you tell me that the baby is laughing and happy.

last month when we were on holiday you were convinced that you too had a baby in your tummy, a baby dog, a black dog that you said 'i don't know how it got there, but it's not ideal!'  i laughed so much at that - as did the lady in the toilet cubicle next to us... you have such an amazing character already and i can not wait for you and your new little brother or sister to meet and play together.

i know that it will be hard for you at first... mummy will be distracted and tired but daddy and i will be right there for you for as long as you need to settle into our new family life.

we will still go to playgroups and walks with lily and we will still snuggle up and read books together.  you will still be so important to us and we will always love you very much.

i think you will be a great big sister.

i love being a mum.

yes, sometimes it feels like it's the hardest job in the world but it is also the most rewarding and satisfying job i have ever done... it's not even a job, in fact.  it's my life now.

today as i sit in the sun listening to my 26 month old daughter sing the entire alphabet perfectly as she dances around the garden i am filled with the most amount of pride and love and happiness... i am overwhelmed by it sometimes.

i made this.

and i am in the process of growing another! and what will this new person be like?

taking care of my daughter at home has never felt to me like a chore or something i have to do, i do get the odd off day where i wish i could just go and do what i wanted to do for once... by myself!  but more often than not i feel privileged to be a part of this little girls life, to help her become a person and to help her learn about who she is and about growing up...  i feel very under qualified a lot of the time, but she never fails to show me otherwise with her sense of humour, her intelligence and understanding and her ability to show so much love and care for everything around her.  she is an absolute amazement to me.  every day.


i feel anxious about having a second child, nervous about the chaos that will surely envelop us - even more so than now!  i feel worried that i wont be able to give them each the time and love they deserve.  but i also am filled with excitement and wonder at the challenges ahead, the joy that poppy brings me each day is about to be doubled.

and how can that not be a good thing?

mummy badges of honor

children have a sixth sense when spotting mummys, a friend recently told me that, one day, when she went to pick up her little boy from nursery, a group of his friends came running over to her saying 'a mummy, a mummy!'

we must give off some sort of stench... perhaps dried milk/weetabix/yogurt that has been smeared, dropped or thrown at us throughout the day. perhaps its our trouser's worn knees or the dark circles around our eyes. it could even be that we still rock gently from foot to foot while waiting in a queue or standing at the bus stop.  whatever it is, we are pretty easy to spot...

one of my worst moments as a new mum was this -
i had finally managed to get out of the house - keys, change bag, nappies, wipes, pram, 2 wk old baby... check.  i arrived at my very first mother and baby group and although i felt like i was back at my first day of school, i ventured over to join in.  i had a lovely afternoon chatting with all the other new mums (who had all felt the same on their first day out) and showing off my brand new baby girl... i felt great walking home, i mean from day one i had been out and about - mainly as i have to walk the dog every morning but this was like a real achievement.  when i got in i glanced in the mirror... one eye had full makeup and the other, not a bit! and i had a delightful chocolate moustache from my decaf mocha.