Monday, 8 April 2013

chaos and contingency plans

months and months have passed, night after night of walking the floor with my wee man, long snoozy hours of night feeds and web browsing under the covers... i have been thinking alot about my children, a lot about how i parent them and even more about the effect i have on them and their futures.  it's a big thought.

i have been so tired, so so tired.  i love the sleepy dark feeds and the tiny fingers reaching up to my face.  i love the small sighs and snuffles of a sleeping child.  i am torn between cherishing every moment with them and the need to be me again.

in an attempt to gain some sort of control over things, i have been sleep training - i even hate using the words, but i just needed to get some sleep... or at least more than 2 hours in a row.  it's working, we got 9 hours last night! ahhhh the feeling of waking naturally and hearing a sleeping baby stirring across the room.  now after plenty of well meaning advice and tips we took the road less travelled - the gentle way.  there was no cry it out or controlled crying and there was no leaving him to figure it out on his own.  i mean how could we? this little guy spent 9 months being rocked to sleep in my tummy and another 5 being held, fed or carried to sleep - we could hardly just switch it on him. so we remained respectful and present, we helped him learn to fall asleep all by himself... it was hard... oh was it hard. and it still is. but it has been worth it - 40 minute naps to one and a half hours AND waking every hour and a half at night to sleeping 7-9 hours at a stretch.  how amazing our little boy is, so amazing.

i try to do this with poppy, who turned three last month... three.  how the time has flown. it is totally okay to cry, it's okay if mum and dad cries - and oh does mum cry! and it's okay to feel emotions, it's okay.
toddlers are at a tricky stage of their lives, so many emotions, so many feelings and not enough words or understanding to express them.
feeling as tired as i have and as frustrated at my chaotic life at the moment, i have been reallly struggling to keep all this in mind.  i have shouted and i have lost my patience... far too often.  but we snuggle up at night and we talk... we go over what happened that day (good or bad) and we help each other understand it all. no matter what we are all here for each other... when the going gets tough... 

being a parent is hard.  it is worth it but it is so, so hard.

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