quiet time

today we made relaxation jars... water, food colouring, a spot of gelatine and lots and lots of glitter...

and we used them after lunch to wind down.  it seemed to work! both the kids enjoyed watching the glitter settle to the bottom and then shake it up again and watch it settle all over again. sometimes i forget how simple things need to be for small children... they don't really need all singing, all dancing toys... the more basic and open ended the toy or project, the better. and this just proves it.

they stayed in their rooms for an hour quietly playing and it was only when they paired up again later in the afternoon that the fisty cuffs started up! oh well!

a few nights ago i introduced a new book to poppy, 'it's always there' by lou lou rose
it is such a lovely book, and just reading it through slowly and lying in bed with poppy made me feel calmer and ready to rest... poppy actually nudged me a little while later to tell me to get out of her room now as i was snoring! oops.
{the book is about a little girl who has a secret. the secret is her breath. whenever she feels sad or upset or worried she just focuses on her breathing and she feels better.}

i noticed poppy putting her hand on her tummy a few times today and i like to think she was being mindful of her breath. it certainly calmed her down in the moment.

i often talk about my emotional little girl, a five year old who feels things so strongly and so fully that she finds it hard to cope.
it is so frustrating as an adult to watch her and to feel so helpless. but i know this is something she has to work through on her own. i never want her to feel that she has to hide her feelings... or that there is anything wrong with anger or frustration.  feelings of all sorts are totally normal and we just need to find a way to deal with them in our own way.

i know that when babies are born, their brain is very basic and instinctual up to toddler hood. it is this time in a child's life that is so important... dealing with emotions in a positive way and re-programming the brain to think instead of react. it is hard. but when you see your child stop in her tracks and place her hand on her tummy to breath {where normally she would scream and yell and throw}... well, it just makes it all worth while.

tonight we will combine the book with the glitter jars and i am going to talk to her about feelings and how if you let them settle everything becomes clearer...

something i need to remember myself sometimes.

pampering and preening

now that the kids are older and i have a bit more time to myself, i have decided to start doing more things for me... things that i used to enjoy before having kids.  i go swimming. i take a pilates class. i take long baths and as the evenings are getting longer and warmer, i have started taking the dog for walks after bedtime. we live near a fairly quiet beach, which is so lovely after a busy day rushing about.
so, with this new take on life ~ looking after me ~ i have invested in a few new beauty products.  i have incredibly sensitive skin so i decided to test a few before committing to buy. here are my favourite finds...

kiehls skin rescuer ~ i loved the kiehls counter, the lady was so friendly and helpful and really seemed to want me to get a product that worked for me {and not just make a sale} so she gave me lots of wee pots to try and this is the one that i liked the most.  it combats the daily stresses on your skin to prevent redness.  This is a big problem with me and i found this worked wonders for me. often i need to apply a moisturiser more than once to feel that it is helping my skin. this did the trick with one small application!
she also recommended using some water and a bit of rose essence in it every day as a facial spray/toner and i have to say this is the best bit of advice ever. i love how refreshed my skin feels and all for the price of a spray pump bottle from superdrug and a bottle of rose essence.

kiehls bb cream ~ again this did not dry out my skin, it made my face look even and smooth ~ any kind of tinted moisturiser or foundation has dried out my skin in the past, and i always ended up with dry flaky bits on my nose. but not with this cream.

forever living aloe bb cream ~ i love this bb cream, in fact this is the one i decided to buy {they are all similar in price} mainly because it felt so light on my skin but still gives it great coverage without drying it out. and it's an aloe product... and i love aloe!

temple spa be calm face mask ~ this mask is amazing as it is perfect for sensitive skin but it also exfoliates gently with fruit acids. it is such a lovely product, i use it once a week while soaking in the bath. the best part about temple spa products is that they are so niche that they don't make them in bulk meaning there is no need for parabens or other nasties.

i also highly recommend the kiehls centella calming facial cleanser, this was amazing to use and my skin felt soft and so clean afterwards. the forever living tooth gel is great too, it doesn't contain fluoride so is a great alternative, plus it actually makes your mouth feel so clean and fresh... even the morning after!

car seat battles

my two year old is a happy little man, an easy going and cheerful chap that is so hilarious and charismatic that he charms everyone he meets.  but this is not always the case. oh no.

we have bedtime battles, sippy cup battles, car seat battles and hold my hand while we cross the road battles. not often. but they do happen. and my little happy chappy turns into a teenager. strong willed. passionate and determined.

a battle of wills will usually commence.

until one day i decided to wait.

it was raining, it was nap time, we were in the car. he managed to take his arms out of his straps. i asked him to put them back in or we would have to pull over.
he said no.
i pulled over. i asked him again.
he said no.
i leaned back and offered to do it for him.
no.
he cried.
he wrestled and he stood his ground.
now, i know why he was doing this. he was incredibly tired. overtired. he wanted to sleep. but he didn't want to be in his car seat. he wanted his cot. not an option in the middle of nowhere.
i tried everything i could think of to make him put his arms back in the straps so we could get moving and he could nap. i even tried to {gently} force his arms in myself. he is strong.
so i sat back in my seat and said ~
'i know you are having a hard time getting comfy in your seat for naptime, when you feel ready, just let me know and we can get going again. we cant drive if you don't have your arms in the safety straps'

and i sat... i am pretty impatient, so this was hard... it was a good ten minutes until he calmed down. but he did and he put his arms in the straps himself and said ~ 'i'm ready now mummy'. i drove off and within a minute he was sound asleep.

i should add... we no longer have seat belt battles.

it's okay... you're fine

i am the first to admit that i have a kid who has big emotions. one who feels things so strongly that the world ceases to exist in that moment.

to me, sometimes, that thing that triggered that emotion, can feel like an over reaction. melodramatic even. that in actual fact, everything is okay.

but it is often not okay. those are real emotions. real feelings. autonomous.
a broken biscuit is as important in their world as a broken favourite mug is in our world. so, why, because we feel it is an over reaction, does that make it so...

one thing i know is how i feel when something goes wrong or something doesn't work or someone doesn't notice something... i know i feel angry. deflated. hurt.

in that moment, i don't want someone to tell me it's okay. that feels patronising. i don't want someone to do it for me. i can do it myself.
lately, i have wondered what the correct response is... what the most helpful comment would actually be...
is it to say ~
'it's really tough isn't it?'
or
'it is so annoying when such and such breaks when you are trying to do something' and i could say... yeah, it is.

for almost five years i have tried to see things from this perspective... the eyes of the child. the eyes of someone who is experiencing an emotion for the first time. the fear. the feeling of being out of control.

i take a breath... a step back. i observe. i offer my help. i acknowledge. i empower.

i still have a child with big emotions. but i hope in the following years i will also have a child who accepts anger for what it is. sadness and frustration as normal healthy emotions... i hope to have a child who also knows how to control these feelings. to accept them and to channel them in a way that is healing. not to bottle things up and allow them to fester.

it is easy to 'shoosh' when the volume increases. or to say it's okay when it clearly is not okay. to try to calm a situation when calm is not possible.

i am playing the long game. it is hard... but so rewarding.