Sunday, 12 April 2015
it's okay... you're fine
i am the first to admit that i have a kid who has big emotions. one who feels things so strongly that the world ceases to exist in that moment.
to me, sometimes, that thing that triggered that emotion, can feel like an over reaction. melodramatic even. that in actual fact, everything is okay.
but it is often not okay. those are real emotions. real feelings. autonomous.
a broken biscuit is as important in their world as a broken favourite mug is in our world. so, why, because we feel it is an over reaction, does that make it so...
one thing i know is how i feel when something goes wrong or something doesn't work or someone doesn't notice something... i know i feel angry. deflated. hurt.
in that moment, i don't want someone to tell me it's okay. that feels patronising. i don't want someone to do it for me. i can do it myself.
lately, i have wondered what the correct response is... what the most helpful comment would actually be...
is it to say ~
'it's really tough isn't it?'
'it is so annoying when such and such breaks when you are trying to do something' and i could say... yeah, it is.
for almost five years i have tried to see things from this perspective... the eyes of the child. the eyes of someone who is experiencing an emotion for the first time. the fear. the feeling of being out of control.
i take a breath... a step back. i observe. i offer my help. i acknowledge. i empower.
i still have a child with big emotions. but i hope in the following years i will also have a child who accepts anger for what it is. sadness and frustration as normal healthy emotions... i hope to have a child who also knows how to control these feelings. to accept them and to channel them in a way that is healing. not to bottle things up and allow them to fester.
it is easy to 'shoosh' when the volume increases. or to say it's okay when it clearly is not okay. to try to calm a situation when calm is not possible.
i am playing the long game. it is hard... but so rewarding.