a four year old turning five

my baby girl is five. five.

five.

i can't believe it. where did all that time go? i miss that tiny newborn face, those tiny fingers and toes. i miss the feeds late at night and in the early morning all snuggled in bed together half asleep. i miss her little feet pushing up to standing and learning to walk. her first shoes. her first words.  she had so many words.
i can barely remember her little voice when she first started having conversations.

she is still the same little girl, i can see it in her eyes. in the way she still holds her rabbit close at night and the way she reaches for my hand when she feels insecure.

we had to have a birthday party for her of course! and we had to let her choose who to invite... and what theme to have... and what kind of a cake she would like...

we had a jungle adventure

safari passes and binoculars for all the guests, jungle themed snacks, a monkey pinata and animal party jars filled with home made lego crayons to take home. {i will do a how to post soon!}

it was a lovely day and we all had a great time ~ even daddy admitted that it went really well!

success.

it's okay... you're fine

i am the first to admit that i have a kid who has big emotions. one who feels things so strongly that the world ceases to exist in that moment.

to me, sometimes, that thing that triggered that emotion, can feel like an over reaction. melodramatic even. that in actual fact, everything is okay.

but it is often not okay. those are real emotions. real feelings. autonomous.
a broken biscuit is as important in their world as a broken favourite mug is in our world. so, why, because we feel it is an over reaction, does that make it so...

one thing i know is how i feel when something goes wrong or something doesn't work or someone doesn't notice something... i know i feel angry. deflated. hurt.

in that moment, i don't want someone to tell me it's okay. that feels patronising. i don't want someone to do it for me. i can do it myself.
lately, i have wondered what the correct response is... what the most helpful comment would actually be...
is it to say ~
'it's really tough isn't it?'
or
'it is so annoying when such and such breaks when you are trying to do something' and i could say... yeah, it is.

for almost five years i have tried to see things from this perspective... the eyes of the child. the eyes of someone who is experiencing an emotion for the first time. the fear. the feeling of being out of control.

i take a breath... a step back. i observe. i offer my help. i acknowledge. i empower.

i still have a child with big emotions. but i hope in the following years i will also have a child who accepts anger for what it is. sadness and frustration as normal healthy emotions... i hope to have a child who also knows how to control these feelings. to accept them and to channel them in a way that is healing. not to bottle things up and allow them to fester.

it is easy to 'shoosh' when the volume increases. or to say it's okay when it clearly is not okay. to try to calm a situation when calm is not possible.

i am playing the long game. it is hard... but so rewarding.

disconnecting to reconnect

it seems a cliche but it is so true... sometimes you really have to disconnect from life a bit in order to reconnect.

every year we try to get away for a few days off the beaten track with little or no electricity and no access to mobile phones or laptops.  it used to be wild camping, just me, my husband and our dog.  then kids started arriving and now it is more glamping than roughing it! but the effect is still the same...

so this year is our ten year wedding anniversary and we decided to do something really special. just the two of us. so the kids and the dog got a lovely spoilt rotten trip to granny and grampas and we headed north...
 

sam found this lovely remote self catering converted wagon on the banks of loch voil in the trossachs - pilot panther

we had all weathers but with our cosy blankets and the log burning stove we barely noticed... even when it started to snow on the last day.

pilot panthers location also has the benefit of being a five minute walk from the amazing monachyle mhor with it's fine dining and luxury accommodation.  so we retreated there one night for our evening meal and again for breakfast on our last morning. delicious.

and okay, a sneaky use of the hotel wifi...

reduce, reuse, recycle

this year i have decided that we need to be more organised, more waste aware and fitter.

lately i feel like we have slipped back into a world where i didn't think about consequences of my actions.  we are so caught up with daily life that i find myself doing whatever option is easiest ~ putting the extra few cartons of milk in the bin to save me going downstairs to the recycling boxes. buying a bag of apples instead of buying them loose... i have even stopped using my cloth nappies and wipes.

you see, my sons skin is very sensitive. we really only use eco eggs and occasionally a bit of lavender oil for fragrance but lately his nappies have been causing very sore nappy rash so we stopped for a while... but that while has become a month... almost two.

i missed the freshly washed smell of washing. i missed the clean smell of bleach ~ these have all snuck back into my cleaning cupboard.

i just want to get back to my frugal self... i want to be that person again! so the challenge is on... will keep this blog updated with my progress...

so far i have got out the cloth wipes, cotton hankies and nappies.  i have made a huge batch of bath bombs for the kids baths ~ method

feeling better already!

we moved house

we were busy bees this summer, we managed to pack up home and move near the sea... just like we always wanted.

it's a bigger house with a bigger garden. and we are five minutes walk from the sea, poppy's school, all the main shops and cafes and an amazing play park.  it has been the best decision we have made so far {except the decision to have children of course... and to get married... ok, the third best decision}

so we have been busy moving and filling our home with stuff and most of all we have spent a lot more time doing things... so many projects... so many crafts!

during the move we decided to de-clutter. everything. and we also decided to make the things we already had, nicer! so plenty of up cycling going on here too!

first of the projects was the kids craft cart. we decided to collect all the broken crayons together and make nice new shiny ones...

step one ~

fill a silicone baking tray with all the ends of crayons (wrappers off) you can make them all the same colour/shade or you can go multicoloured.  melt them in the oven for about five ~ ten minutes on 180. and leave out to cool {i found that giving them a stir at this point stopped the wax and colour separating}

step two ~

tip them out!

my not so little boy turned two

so two years have passed since i gave birth to my little man... my amazing and loving boy... two years.

it feels like a blink, like a heart beat. i can still remember the dark birthing pool and the low music playing. my head resting on the side of the pool while my husband lay a cool facecloth on my neck. i still remember the sinking feeling when i was told i was only 3cms... the memories of poppy taking days and days to get from 3cms to 10cms.... then it was all over, in not much more than an hour. i felt i had to push. to meet him. and i did. he was so lovely and so like poppy. he looked at me from the water and he felt weightless. i stood up to carry him to the bed and suddenly felt his weight! 9lbs 9oz. such a big boy but so small...

now two years on and he is still so small to me, still so precious.

we had some friends round to play and we set up some messy tubs in the garden for them to muck about with... dinosaurs in ice eggs, shaving foam and another with moon sand.  they loved it ~ of course! the perfect thing for a 2 yr old boy ~ mess.

the dinosaurs were the best bit, i put them in balloons and filled them with water, then put them in the freezer overnight. in the morning i peeled off the balloons and sat them in a bowl with wee pots of warm water, salt and beetroot juice.  i gave them syringes and small spades and other tools to free the dinosaurs from their eggs!

it's been a while...

it has been months since i sat down and wrote anything, far less published it.  i guess i kind of lost the momentum of taking time to put things down... i lost the urge to take the time for me.

so, with a quiet house and a cosy blanket on my knees, i am finally getting back into it...

what have i been doing with my time? it's actually pretty hard to say {as most stay at home/work at home mums can often be heard muttering} i go about my daily routine {or lack of it}

we get up
we play
we eat breakfast
i clear up, put a wash on {or not}
get dressed {or not}
get the 2yr old and the almost 5yr old out of the door to walk the dog
make it as far as the end of the park
walk back
lunch
nursery run
2yr old takes a nap
housework/work on the computer/make telephone calls/watch mind numbing daytime tv {delete as appropriate}
2yr old wakes up
nursery run
tea
play for a bit
bath or a bit more playing
stories... lots and lots of stories
bed for small people
tv/computer/tidy up
bed for adults

you see... not much... but yet so much.