car seat battles

my two year old is a happy little man, an easy going and cheerful chap that is so hilarious and charismatic that he charms everyone he meets.  but this is not always the case. oh no.

we have bedtime battles, sippy cup battles, car seat battles and hold my hand while we cross the road battles. not often. but they do happen. and my little happy chappy turns into a teenager. strong willed. passionate and determined.

a battle of wills will usually commence.

until one day i decided to wait.

it was raining, it was nap time, we were in the car. he managed to take his arms out of his straps. i asked him to put them back in or we would have to pull over.
he said no.
i pulled over. i asked him again.
he said no.
i leaned back and offered to do it for him.
no.
he cried.
he wrestled and he stood his ground.
now, i know why he was doing this. he was incredibly tired. overtired. he wanted to sleep. but he didn't want to be in his car seat. he wanted his cot. not an option in the middle of nowhere.
i tried everything i could think of to make him put his arms back in the straps so we could get moving and he could nap. i even tried to {gently} force his arms in myself. he is strong.
so i sat back in my seat and said ~
'i know you are having a hard time getting comfy in your seat for naptime, when you feel ready, just let me know and we can get going again. we cant drive if you don't have your arms in the safety straps'

and i sat... i am pretty impatient, so this was hard... it was a good ten minutes until he calmed down. but he did and he put his arms in the straps himself and said ~ 'i'm ready now mummy'. i drove off and within a minute he was sound asleep.

i should add... we no longer have seat belt battles.

it's okay... you're fine

i am the first to admit that i have a kid who has big emotions. one who feels things so strongly that the world ceases to exist in that moment.

to me, sometimes, that thing that triggered that emotion, can feel like an over reaction. melodramatic even. that in actual fact, everything is okay.

but it is often not okay. those are real emotions. real feelings. autonomous.
a broken biscuit is as important in their world as a broken favourite mug is in our world. so, why, because we feel it is an over reaction, does that make it so...

one thing i know is how i feel when something goes wrong or something doesn't work or someone doesn't notice something... i know i feel angry. deflated. hurt.

in that moment, i don't want someone to tell me it's okay. that feels patronising. i don't want someone to do it for me. i can do it myself.
lately, i have wondered what the correct response is... what the most helpful comment would actually be...
is it to say ~
'it's really tough isn't it?'
or
'it is so annoying when such and such breaks when you are trying to do something' and i could say... yeah, it is.

for almost five years i have tried to see things from this perspective... the eyes of the child. the eyes of someone who is experiencing an emotion for the first time. the fear. the feeling of being out of control.

i take a breath... a step back. i observe. i offer my help. i acknowledge. i empower.

i still have a child with big emotions. but i hope in the following years i will also have a child who accepts anger for what it is. sadness and frustration as normal healthy emotions... i hope to have a child who also knows how to control these feelings. to accept them and to channel them in a way that is healing. not to bottle things up and allow them to fester.

it is easy to 'shoosh' when the volume increases. or to say it's okay when it clearly is not okay. to try to calm a situation when calm is not possible.

i am playing the long game. it is hard... but so rewarding.