untucked shirts

my wee baby girl started school this week... well she started a week and a half ago but was only in for half days.  this week she was in for the full day and had to negotiate the lunch hall solo... i can barely believe it. where has those five fast years gone? so much has changed. so much has happened. in the blink of an eye.

there have been no tears.  a tightly held hand and a few lost looks. but no tears. i am not entirely sure if it is a good thing... well, it is. it shows she is confident and independent. it shows that i have prepared her for such a big step.
but i feel a sense of sadness, as if she no longer needs me. as if i have somehow been holding her back all these years when all she really wanted to do was to be out in the big world learning and discovering new things... but that's not true... yes, she is so ready for this. but at the end of a busy day playing with her new friends, she runs to hug me just as she always has... a look of sheer joy in her eyes. she holds my hand so tightly as we walk home, she skips and sings and tells me all about her day...

and so a new chapter begins.

quiet time

today we made relaxation jars... water, food colouring, a spot of gelatine and lots and lots of glitter...

and we used them after lunch to wind down.  it seemed to work! both the kids enjoyed watching the glitter settle to the bottom and then shake it up again and watch it settle all over again. sometimes i forget how simple things need to be for small children... they don't really need all singing, all dancing toys... the more basic and open ended the toy or project, the better. and this just proves it.

they stayed in their rooms for an hour quietly playing and it was only when they paired up again later in the afternoon that the fisty cuffs started up! oh well!

a few nights ago i introduced a new book to poppy, 'it's always there' by lou lou rose
it is such a lovely book, and just reading it through slowly and lying in bed with poppy made me feel calmer and ready to rest... poppy actually nudged me a little while later to tell me to get out of her room now as i was snoring! oops.
{the book is about a little girl who has a secret. the secret is her breath. whenever she feels sad or upset or worried she just focuses on her breathing and she feels better.}

i noticed poppy putting her hand on her tummy a few times today and i like to think she was being mindful of her breath. it certainly calmed her down in the moment.

i often talk about my emotional little girl, a five year old who feels things so strongly and so fully that she finds it hard to cope.
it is so frustrating as an adult to watch her and to feel so helpless. but i know this is something she has to work through on her own. i never want her to feel that she has to hide her feelings... or that there is anything wrong with anger or frustration.  feelings of all sorts are totally normal and we just need to find a way to deal with them in our own way.

i know that when babies are born, their brain is very basic and instinctual up to toddler hood. it is this time in a child's life that is so important... dealing with emotions in a positive way and re-programming the brain to think instead of react. it is hard. but when you see your child stop in her tracks and place her hand on her tummy to breath {where normally she would scream and yell and throw}... well, it just makes it all worth while.

tonight we will combine the book with the glitter jars and i am going to talk to her about feelings and how if you let them settle everything becomes clearer...

something i need to remember myself sometimes.

slowing down for the summer

a week in our house can often feel a bit like a whirl wind... it's all rushing to get to places, rushing back to eat, nap, use the potty... endless to-ing and fro-ing.

the summer holidays are like a big deep breath... a chance to slow down and take a moment.

i really am a keen believer in slowing down ~ seriously. even on the school run i {try to} take a moment to re-group before we rush out the door. i find it gives everyone a chance to catch up. to check themselves. to calm down. 
yep.
calm down. this is a biggie in this house. even when we have nowhere to be or time schedules to keep, we always seem to exude a certain air of mania.

i came across a book online where it teaches children to remember their breathing in times of worry or stress.  it is not a self help book or an educational book, it is a story of a little girl who has a secret. the secret helps her to forget her worries. the secret is her breath. focusing on her breath helps her to clear her mind of anything that is bothering her. it is very sweet ~ http://www.loulourose.net/#/eastward/

we are trying to incorporate a form of basic yoga into our nightly routine as it is becoming more and more of a 'dance' each night! in and out of each of theirs rooms fulfilling umpteen potty, water, itchy bottom requests. until we are almost falling asleep in bed together, crunched up against a wall with no covers and no pillow except a token stuffed animal 'to snuggle'.

so as it goes, we are still working on shortening the nightly rituals from 1.5hrs to 45mins {or thereabouts} i am sure the long summer nights are partly to blame.. or it could be me.
hard to say.

car seat battles

my two year old is a happy little man, an easy going and cheerful chap that is so hilarious and charismatic that he charms everyone he meets.  but this is not always the case. oh no.

we have bedtime battles, sippy cup battles, car seat battles and hold my hand while we cross the road battles. not often. but they do happen. and my little happy chappy turns into a teenager. strong willed. passionate and determined.

a battle of wills will usually commence.

until one day i decided to wait.

it was raining, it was nap time, we were in the car. he managed to take his arms out of his straps. i asked him to put them back in or we would have to pull over.
he said no.
i pulled over. i asked him again.
he said no.
i leaned back and offered to do it for him.
no.
he cried.
he wrestled and he stood his ground.
now, i know why he was doing this. he was incredibly tired. overtired. he wanted to sleep. but he didn't want to be in his car seat. he wanted his cot. not an option in the middle of nowhere.
i tried everything i could think of to make him put his arms back in the straps so we could get moving and he could nap. i even tried to {gently} force his arms in myself. he is strong.
so i sat back in my seat and said ~
'i know you are having a hard time getting comfy in your seat for naptime, when you feel ready, just let me know and we can get going again. we cant drive if you don't have your arms in the safety straps'

and i sat... i am pretty impatient, so this was hard... it was a good ten minutes until he calmed down. but he did and he put his arms in the straps himself and said ~ 'i'm ready now mummy'. i drove off and within a minute he was sound asleep.

i should add... we no longer have seat belt battles.

it's okay... you're fine

i am the first to admit that i have a kid who has big emotions. one who feels things so strongly that the world ceases to exist in that moment.

to me, sometimes, that thing that triggered that emotion, can feel like an over reaction. melodramatic even. that in actual fact, everything is okay.

but it is often not okay. those are real emotions. real feelings. autonomous.
a broken biscuit is as important in their world as a broken favourite mug is in our world. so, why, because we feel it is an over reaction, does that make it so...

one thing i know is how i feel when something goes wrong or something doesn't work or someone doesn't notice something... i know i feel angry. deflated. hurt.

in that moment, i don't want someone to tell me it's okay. that feels patronising. i don't want someone to do it for me. i can do it myself.
lately, i have wondered what the correct response is... what the most helpful comment would actually be...
is it to say ~
'it's really tough isn't it?'
or
'it is so annoying when such and such breaks when you are trying to do something' and i could say... yeah, it is.

for almost five years i have tried to see things from this perspective... the eyes of the child. the eyes of someone who is experiencing an emotion for the first time. the fear. the feeling of being out of control.

i take a breath... a step back. i observe. i offer my help. i acknowledge. i empower.

i still have a child with big emotions. but i hope in the following years i will also have a child who accepts anger for what it is. sadness and frustration as normal healthy emotions... i hope to have a child who also knows how to control these feelings. to accept them and to channel them in a way that is healing. not to bottle things up and allow them to fester.

it is easy to 'shoosh' when the volume increases. or to say it's okay when it clearly is not okay. to try to calm a situation when calm is not possible.

i am playing the long game. it is hard... but so rewarding.