disconnecting to reconnect

it seems a cliche but it is so true... sometimes you really have to disconnect from life a bit in order to reconnect.

every year we try to get away for a few days off the beaten track with little or no electricity and no access to mobile phones or laptops.  it used to be wild camping, just me, my husband and our dog.  then kids started arriving and now it is more glamping than roughing it! but the effect is still the same...

so this year is our ten year wedding anniversary and we decided to do something really special. just the two of us. so the kids and the dog got a lovely spoilt rotten trip to granny and grampas and we headed north...
 

sam found this lovely remote self catering converted wagon on the banks of loch voil in the trossachs - pilot panther

we had all weathers but with our cosy blankets and the log burning stove we barely noticed... even when it started to snow on the last day.

pilot panthers location also has the benefit of being a five minute walk from the amazing monachyle mhor with it's fine dining and luxury accommodation.  so we retreated there one night for our evening meal and again for breakfast on our last morning. delicious.

and okay, a sneaky use of the hotel wifi...

monkeys, lions and a surprise rainbow

back in march it was my little girls 4th birthday. four. i have no idea where the time has gone! to mark the occasion we decided a trip to the zoo was in order... ten years of living in edinburgh and not one visit to the zoo (except as a photographer)!

i baked a cake. this cake. and i made a hole in the middle which i filled with m&ms before icing it.

i decided that there was a lot of colouring involved in the making of this cake and that i would make the layers using natural colours found in food... so i used grated carrot, juiced spinach, juiced beetroot, egg yolk and blueberry puree. making the colours was a lot of fun and poppy really enjoyed helping me with this bit! she was off to bed for the actual cake making though...

the zoo is a great place to visit with children, plenty to keep them occupied, lots of space to run wild, toilets dotted around and best of all it's fun for adults too :)

it was a really fun day and the sun even came out for a wee bit so we could enjoy our birthday picnic, cake and bubbles! we all knew it was time to go home when poppy dropped her beloved pink rabbit into the penguin enclosure and cried like she had lost the love of her life. a very lovely young man leaned over and saved him for her and thus saved the day!

log fires and beds in cupboards

 for the last few months it has been, pretty much, work, work, work. seven days a week. working late into the night. we needed a break. the kids needed a break.  it was a last minute decision: nothing booked into the diary, fair weather forecast and the surf was up! so i did it. i booked two nights in a luxury tent on the dunes of the east coast of scotland.  no electric, no tv and most importantly... no laptop!

i like to think that when i am at home with the kids i am completely present with them.  i play with them, i make food for them and i look out for them. but i am not. not completely anyway... i am often sneaking looks on my phone or trying to tidy the kitchen, hang the washing up or run a cloth around the bath.  i am always thinking about things i could be doing... or should be doing.

this weekend was going to be tough. i am a self confessed, phone addict. i am. and i hate it.

so i paid for the holiday and started to pack as we were heading off the next morning. bright and early.

i was looking forward to the challenge, to be honest, to see if i could be the parent, i so want to be. and do you know what, i did it... and i enjoyed it. okay, so i checked my phone once. okay, twice. but for 98 percent of the time, i was there with them.  i was there digging in the sand with them. i was there when we were pretending to be bears in the woods by the tent. i was there as we splashed in the rock pools.  i was even there when i was feeding my little man down for the night. & this is a big one as i tend to use this quiet, sleepy time to catch up with my texts and emails from the day. i dont feel great admitting that. but it is true, i am on my phone while i feed my baby to sleep.

but not in the tent. here i watched him feeding, i watched him get drowsy and i watched his little eyes fluttering closed. i saw him fall into a deep sleep and i lay there with him and i held him close. and i loved it. i love him.

then i climbed in to the big double bed, quirkily set into a cupboard,
with my little girl and just lay there with her as she fell asleep. another thing i have not done in a long, long time. i usually rush out to get my 'me' time. to get the telly on. to get the biccies out and the kettle on.

and then with the candles lit and the log stove burning (yes, this was a pretty delux tent!) my husband and i went outside and sat and watched the sun set over the dunes and the tide changing under the stars.

knitting nights

so the little folk are currently sleeping 7-7 {or there abouts} and husband and i have reclaimed our evenings! 

wandering what to do with myself, instead of watching big brother or getting re hooked onto home and away... i have taken on a knitting challenge! 

about a month or so ago i found ravelry... then i found these go-veralls and promptly fell head over heels... well, bit of an exaggeration there... but they are d'lish.

so i bought some wool and a some circular needles and hey presto we have two legs -

 will post an update as they 'grow' but i am super excited to get the wee guy in these... not too girly right??

one toddler and one (not so) teeny tiny baby

well, here he is... baby number two... fergus.

i cant believe how much i love him already - although i should have already been aware of this from baby number one... poppy.  oh how i loved her from the moment i saw her!

he is so like her but yet so different... they look the same when i look back at photos of poppy but he is very much a boy and with finer features. he is so laid back... so far. and she was so cross all the time!

poppy has really taken to the wee guy (as she calls him) and is loving helping out with bath time and nappy changes.  i feel privileged to have such an amazing and caring little girl as poppy - to see how she has adapted to his arrival and how she is coping so well, makes me so proud!  she has her moments of course, and the toilet training has gone to pot (so to speak!) but that was all expected and anticipated well in advance. we are working through it together - with the help of some stickers and a potty train! ha! the reward chart... one thing i thought i would never do. needs must.

so how did fergus arrive into this world... quickly! i am all emotional about how amazing the birth was after having such a tough time of it first time round.  poppy took days to come, i only managed to stay in the pool for a few hours and ended up being induced, having my waters broken and getting an epidural... this time it was over in only five hours (from the first contraction) he was born in the water using a bit of gas and air and homeopathy. he did get stuck a bit as he was a whopping 9lbs 9oz... but the water made it all so bearable and relaxed. there was a moment, just before i started pushing, where i thought i couldnt do it, that i wanted to go to labour ward and get any drugs going. but i did it and am overwhelmed and proud of myself and of fergus...and of sam, my husband, who helped me though it.

so, now the adventure begins.  mamma of two.

for poppy

poppy,

here you are, almost two and half years old... there is a little baby almost ready to come and meet you.  you are so excited to meet him and between constantly asking if the baby is coming out today and telling anyone who will listen that there is a baby in mummy's tummy, you insist that you will share your teddies and give the baby cuddles when he cries.

you are so caring and loving, you kiss my tummy and give the baby hugs.  you tell me that the baby is laughing and happy.

last month when we were on holiday you were convinced that you too had a baby in your tummy, a baby dog, a black dog that you said 'i don't know how it got there, but it's not ideal!'  i laughed so much at that - as did the lady in the toilet cubicle next to us... you have such an amazing character already and i can not wait for you and your new little brother or sister to meet and play together.

i know that it will be hard for you at first... mummy will be distracted and tired but daddy and i will be right there for you for as long as you need to settle into our new family life.

we will still go to playgroups and walks with lily and we will still snuggle up and read books together.  you will still be so important to us and we will always love you very much.

i think you will be a great big sister.

caravans and seagulls

well, we are just back from a family holiday to a very well known family holiday caravan park... sounds a bit like heaven!! ahhhh, eight adults, six kids and two caravans... who could ask for more!?!?

it was actually a very lovely holiday, if not a bit cramped in places! plenty to keep our little bear entertained - from doting cousins to a massive soft play and swimming pool... and it was sunny!  unfortunately, it meant a very tired girl and often a bit of a grumpy one too (and that was just me!) but i would do it again... i think. well, i would do it again but not while pregnant - that i definitely do not recommend!

we mostly ate in the vans, which was a bit of a logistical nightmare but not half as bad as trying to get 16 meals ordered by 5pm on the dot with out one of our little people wandering off somewhere... or one of the older ones sneaking off to the slots with a pocket full of 2penny pieces.

the pool was the best bit, and the soft play - both of which were free! the joys of having an under 5! we did spend a a few pounds on some rides and a swan pedalo (which is essential for any caravaning holiday, i think)

after an entire week of extreme playing and constant attention from numerous adults and older children, poppy is taking sometime winding down now we are home - i am a slave to her pretend play and book demands. for now at least, until she bores of me and wanders off into her own play world again...

weddings and two year olds

we took a wee mini break to the west coast for a friends wedding a few weeks ago... as guests! i clarify this as being photographers we don't often get to be guests at weddings.

anyway, it was poppy's second wedding (she attended her auntie weezees wedding when she was 6 weeks old) and - as opposed to last time - she definitely seemed to enjoy herself... but boy was it hard work! ...missed the vows, the speeches and most of our meal - in fact i am pretty sure we held up the main course being served as they waited for us to return to the table to actually eat our starters.

as a 'fun' gift we gave the couple a photo booth set up with a box of props for their guests to go wild and let their hair down... always, always results in some pretty hilarious shots! and we even got a fun family shot of our own. did i mention it was fun?

poppy actually stayed up until the first dance - although we did get a lot of 'oh, she's done so well!'s and 'awww, she looks sooooo tired's!

well, needless to say we survived it ...and those wellies she insisted on wearing turned out to be the perfect choice as it rained the entire time.

red cheeks and gondolas

we have just been on a lovely little jaunt up to the mountains! it was very cold but also very beautiful... i found a pretty little play park for poppy and me... and the dog of course! but our cheeks went white

 it was pretty chilly up there! the gondola ride was the best bit and we even managed to get a bit of skiing in one morning thanks to a willing babysitting/dog walking auntie and uncle!

i love that feeling you get on the way back down when you have been completely blown about by a strong wind... i think it might be 'refreshed' but it feels more like 'cleared out'!

back into the thick of it again now... home and back to working through the nap and late into the evening. so many little things that i keep forgetting to do. why is that? i cant possibly still have baby brain, surely? maybe it has developed into toddler brain.